


Shadow Love

by sorchafyre



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 12:04:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorchafyre/pseuds/sorchafyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo POV internal musings on the dark, twisted dependency he and Sanzo act out on each other.  A very  short, very dark look at something between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shadow Love

**Author's Note:**

> Not exactly non-consensual sex, but it's not a happy thing either.
> 
> Disclaimer and Acknowledgements: I don't own Saiyuki, the characters belong to Kazuya Minekura. The soundtrack to this is "Everybody Knows" by Don Henley and "Accidentally, Like a Martyr" by Warren Zevon. They mixed in my head and, to quote Anna Nalick, "if I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me". First publication 16-march-04

Say what you like about the relationship between Sanzo and me, but we've always been there for each other when it counted.

Or at least, that's how I'm justifying it now. I'm too tired to remember how this thing between us started, but after all this time we sure know how to read each other.

All day he's been getting more and more tense. It's never a good sign when Sanzo has to control himself this hard and you can hear the tightness in his voice. His eyes have been following Goku with such hunger that I know we'll all get separate rooms tonight. He'll come to me late, and take me in pain and blood, and leave without saying a word. Somehow, it will be enough to hold him sane.

Of course, sometimes I go to him. Innocents die, the world's full of corruption, and dreams can be more weapon than pleasure. I have to do _something_ before I say something to hurt Goku or worse yet spill my cynicism all over Hakkai like acid. Sanzo must be able to tell when that happens, because those nights we end up alone too. I'll go to him and hurt him, and bury myself inside him until the darkness untwists from my heart.

Randomly, we'll have something that could be mistaken for tenderness between us. I'll touch his hand while I light my cigarette from his, or he'll look at me a few seconds longer than necessary, and something more than desperate physical need will be there.

I'm pretty sure I don't want to think about that too much.

And so we travel west, one step ahead of our demons, both real and metaphorical. Each day brings the promise of death, and I'm pretty sure we won't all survive. I guess I'll just do what I've always done, and take it one day at a time. And on this day, I'll get ready to be what he'll need me to be tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure I have Gojoy's inner voice right on this one, though he's canonically capable of being this dark. Would appreciate feedback regarding this.


End file.
